Recently, several friends have dove into the world of internet dating . I feel I would need arm floaties to do this successfully. I admire their strength to put themselves out there in a 2-dimentional format. Their stories have varied from weird, to sweet, to awkward, sometimes within one date.
The challenge with internet dating is you have to make yourself appealing by WRITING about yourself. You want to attract someone with ONLY words. Let’s face it, most of us do NOT see ourselves as OTHERS see us. So….let me try this.
Let’s not pretend and see what we come up with….
Divorced 30-somehting female seeking non-clingy, emotionally together, financially sound, and attractive male. Cannot be intimidated by a tom-boy who likes the outdoors, loves the arts, and has a bit of an independent sarcastic streak running through her at all times. If you want to fix me….keep moving on. I am fixed and yet, still a work in progress. My favorite night may be on the couch eating whatever watching a zombie movie. I do not wear a lot of make-up, padded bras and I have never had a professional pedicure. I do not DO drama. I am a mother to a cat (a fat bloated cat)—that’s it. I have not decided if I want children but PLEASE do not start picking out nursery furniture on our first date. Do not doodle our names together and DO NOT order for me in a restaurant. I like sci-fi, I like some weird reality crap, I like magazines in my bathroom. I play poker, I read a lot, and I ride my bike a lot. It will not hurt to hold my hand in public, take a few risks, and experience life. Park boring somewhere else, and do not bring baby momma drama, ex-girlfriend grief, or an asshole attitude to the party. They are NOT invited. My friends are my family. They know what I love, they know how I feel, and if you do not like them, we have a problem. The bottom line is…I had to grow up early. I have been on my own for a while. I do not need someone to guide me through life, but it would be great to have a partner to walk with.
For whatever reasons, many guys I know like the psycho genre of women. Recent ex-stories that I have heard have lead me to believe that THESE girls would have some interesting profiles. Maybe something like this….
Kinda single girl seeks guy to completely take care of her. He must be into popular pop music or off the wall indie music. I like sex 1-2 times a week but with 4-5 different guys. I want kids and a house but my waitress job does not pay for that stuff. I take a long time in the bathroom. I use a lot of hair product and spend 20% of my annual income on make-up. I want fake boobs. I want liposuction. I cry at everything. I only like the outdoors if the weather is perfect. I do not camp but I like to lay by the pool and soak in the sun. I am a vegetarian at least 20% of my time but the remaining time, I eat meat. I like to cause drama, lots of drama, at all times and I expect you to fix it. I look great in a bikini. I am a mess when I drink. I want to be around you 24/7. In fact, you should devote YOUR life to me. I would never change my name if married. I have thought about my perfect wedding day since I was 5. I become a drooling idiot if I drink too much. I like to argue about useless points. It’s fun! My parents give me money all the time. I am pretty immature but I will be a great wife someday.
The above paragraph sums up about 5 relationships I have heard about briefly. I have rolled them into ONE profile. It’s kinda fun.
Again, I have never used the calculus courses I took in college. However, I think if they taught dating, I would USE those skills. Once again, our educational system has failed. No single person left behind.